I’m writing today with a mix of frustration and disappointment over a recent incident involving Cody. It seems he discovered his Christmas gift early, and not in the way I had hoped. He was snooping in my office, where I had hidden his present—a selection of nipple piercings, including a ring and a rod. I’ve always wanted Cody to have pierced nipples, and this gift was meant to be a surprise, complete with a paid piercing certificate and an appointment already set.

Unfortunately, Cody confronted me about the gift, questioning my intentions. This has upset me for several reasons: first, he invaded my privacy by digging through my things; second, he ruined the surprise of his present; and third, he had the audacity to question my plans for him.

Yes, I was indeed planning to give him these piercings, and yes, it was entirely up to him whether he went through with the appointment. I had even planned a significant reward—a “carrot,” if you will—if he chose to follow through with the piercing. Now, I find myself reconsidering the entire arrangement. As a result of his actions, I’ve decided to turn one of his other gifts into coal!