Patience, clarity, and my vibrator are my companions right now. I am beginning the search for a submissive, and I am doing it with intention. This week alone has tested my patience and reminded me of the odds I face. A catfish and a man I was in talks with, ghosted. C’est la vie!
I have been without a submissive for a long time. Not because I did not want one, but because I lost sight of what I actually need. My last relationship pulled me into a world of emotional volatility and drama that had nothing to do with dominance or submission. He was not submissive, and I was not being honored as a Queen or in my role.
What I am looking for is not mysterious, even if it is specific. I want love with someone kind, authentic, open-minded, and communicative. Someone flexible, emotionally present, and capable of honest conversation. Good hygiene, style, and a healthy lifestyle. Humor, intelligence, and kindness, matter most.
This time, I am slowing down. Instead of relying on chemistry alone or letting things unfold in a loose organic way, I am building a process around this search.
- I will create an application and open it for a defined period of time. I will read each submission carefully.
- From there, I will move into a vetting phase that includes conversations, dates, questions, and low-stakes opportunities for connection.
- Once I narrow the field, I will explore chemistry, and when it feels right, I will bring my final choice or choices to my “committee”. These are friends and former submissives who know and love me; they will look for holes that I don’t see.
In the past, connections moved quickly. Vetting was minimal. I trusted chemistry and hope more than process. Had I slowed down, asked better questions, and taken my time, I might have avoided much of the pain I carried last year.
That does not mean I regret the lesson.
Maybe the point was to learn it fully so I would never repeat it. Maybe everything I went through was preparation for doing this well. I do not need to romanticize the damage to respect the growth that came from it.
This is the beginning of a more mindful search. One that unfolds in steps. One that honors my needs and my boundaries. I am not rushing. I am not desperate. I am not abandoning myself again.
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