i hate fake cobwebs.

Madam told me to decorate for a Halloween party, which sounded simple enough. put out the pumpkins, hang a few bats, arrange the candles, and make the estate look spooky without making it look like a seasonal clearance aisle had exploded. Madam has standards, so naturally i was trying to make everything look tasteful.

i had some help. that was my first mistake.

while i was arranging lights and trying to make a skeleton sit upright, the others found several bags of fake cobwebs. before i knew what was happening, they had stretched the damn stuff across the windows, around the furniture, over the doorways, through the bushes, and between anything else that remained still for more than three seconds.

i tried to explain that fake cobwebs are not decorations. they are evil. once removed from the bag, they become a living organism determined to attach itself to everything you own. nobody listened because everybody else was having fun.

the problem with being naked at home is that i count as one of the things fake cobwebs can attach themselves to.

at first, a little strand caught on my arm. fine. i pulled it off. then some wrapped around my ankle while i walked past a chair. another piece stuck to my shoulder when i leaned beneath a doorway. within ten minutes, i looked like i had lost a fight with a haunted cotton candy machine.

then it reached my dick.

i have no idea how. one moment i was carrying a plastic tombstone across the room, and the next moment i felt a strange little tug below my waist. i looked down and discovered that several wispy strands had wrapped themselves around my cock and somehow caught on my piercing.

this was not a dignified situation.

i stopped moving immediately. unfortunately, the other end of the web was still attached to a skeleton. when i stepped backward, the skeleton tipped forward. i moved to catch it, which pulled the cobweb tighter, which caused me to make a noise no respectable grown man should ever make while being attacked by Halloween decorations.

everyone turned to look.

there i stood, naked except for a collar and several yards of fake spiderweb, holding a plastic skeleton against my chest while its bony hand rested suspiciously close to my ass. the web stretched from the skeleton’s ribs, around my thigh, and directly to my cock.

someone started laughing. then everyone started laughing.

Madam walked into the room to see what the commotion was about. she looked at the decorations, looked at the skeleton, and finally looked down at the cobweb tangled around her property.

i expected rescue.

instead, Madam said, “hold still. i need a picture.”