Dear Mizz Geena:

I need help. I’m a 40-something year old single woman. I’m also a Dominatrix with experience dominating a few men, all of whom had been submissive for years. That’s to say, they had already been “trained” in some way or another. I’m reaching out because I’m going to be having a special summer submissive staying with me, but he’s never submitted before. Here’s the situation:

My neighbor, a divorced male, has his son stay with him every summer. I’ll call him “Billy” for purposes of protecting identity. Billy used to spend summers swimming in my pool, but as he got older he realized the type of woman I am. When he turned 18 last March, he was very forward in his communications with me, asking to be my submissive for the summer. I was hesitant at first, but then decided it would be fun. He’ll be here soon and I realized – what if I don’t know what I’m doing?

He’s promised to devote as much of his time with me as I desire, and I’m thinking about letting him sleep in my guest house. Please, tell me I’m not being a disgusting old pervert by going through with this, and tell me what should I focus on to make sure he’s okay with everything. I’m pretty rough, he knows that and has been quite clear he wants it.

Sincerely,
Old Pervy Domme

Dear “Pervy Domme”,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your situation with me. It’s clear that you have a genuine concern for Billy’s well-being, which is an excellent starting point. Let’s delve into your concerns and provide some guidance to ensure a safe and fulfilling experience for both of you.

Am I a Disgusting Old Pervert?

First and foremost, let’s address this fear. First, I removed “old” when I started your letter. “Pervy Domme,” however, might become my new screen-name! 🙂

Age differences in consensual relationships between adults are not inherently problematic. What matters most is mutual respect, clear communication, and consent. Billy is an adult who has expressed a clear and enthusiastic desire to explore submission with you. Your introspection shows a commendable level of care and responsibility. The age difference may play a part in his fantasies. If it does in yours too, all the better!

Navigating a New Submissive Experience

Since Billy is new to submission, it’s crucial to approach this dynamic thoughtfully. Here are some key points to consider:

1. Comprehensive Communication:
   • Pre-session Discussions: Have in-depth conversations about limits, desires, and expectations. Make sure Billy understands the dynamics of a Dominant-submissive relationship and what your specific style entails.
   • Safewords: Establish a clear safeword system to ensure he can communicate his boundaries effectively. The traffic light system (Red for stop, Yellow for slow down, Green for continue) is often recommended for beginners.
2. Education and Preparation:
   • Educate Billy: Provide him with resources and literature on BDSM to help him understand the psychological and physical aspects of submission. Send him to the Submissives Corner of our Magazine.
   • Discuss Aftercare: Explain the importance of aftercare and agree on a plan. Aftercare is essential for both the Dominant and submissive to process the experience and return to a balanced state.
3. Starting Gradually:
   • Begin Slowly: Even if Billy is eager for intense experiences, start with lighter activities and gradually increase intensity. This approach allows him to discover his limits safely.
   • Regular Check-ins: During sessions, check in frequently to ensure he’s comfortable and not overwhelmed.
4. Continuous Consent and Reassurance:
   • Ongoing Consent: Make it clear that consent is an ongoing process. Billy should feel empowered to withdraw his consent at any time without any negative consequences.
   • Reassurance: Let him know that his safety and well-being are your top priorities. This will help him feel secure and respected in his new role.

Considering Ramifications with His Father

An important aspect to consider is how this relationship might affect your relationship with Billy’s father, your neighbor. Since Billy will be staying with you, it’s likely his father will become aware of the situation. Think about the potential consequences, and discuss these with Billy:

• Honesty and Transparency: Consider whether it would be beneficial to have an honest conversation with Billy’s father. While this is a personal decision, transparency can sometimes prevent misunderstandings and preserve neighborly relations.
• Boundaries and Respect: Ensure that Billy’s father understands that this is a consensual relationship between adults. Reinforce that Billy’s autonomy and choices should be respected.
• Possible Reactions: Be prepared for various reactions from his father. He might be supportive, indifferent, or even disapproving. Think through how you will handle each potential scenario to maintain peace and respect within your neighborhood.

Embracing Your Role

As an experienced Dominatrix, you have the skills to guide Billy through his first submission experience. Embrace your role with confidence, knowing that you are providing a space for him to explore his desires safely and consensually.

To summarize:

• Communicate openly about limits, desires, and expectations.
• Educate and prepare Billy for his new role.
• Start gradually and build up intensity over time.
• Focus on consent and aftercare, ensuring Billy feels safe and respected.
• Consider the potential impact on your relationship with Billy’s father and how to address it.

By taking these steps, you will create a positive and enriching experience for both of you. Remember, the foundation of BDSM is trust, communication, and mutual respect.

Yours in Dominance and Care,
Mizz Geena