Patience, clarity, and my vibrator are my companions right now. I am beginning the search for a submissive, and I am doing it with intention. This week alone has tested my patience and reminded me of the odds I face. A catfish and a man I was in talks with, ghosted. C’est la vie!
I have been without a submissive for a long time. Not because I did not want one, but because I lost sight of what I actually need. My last relationship pulled me into a world of emotional volatility and drama that had nothing to do with dominance or submission. He was not submissive, and I was not being honored as a Queen or in my role.
What I am looking for is not mysterious, even if it is specific. I want love with someone kind, authentic, open-minded, and communicative. Someone flexible, emotionally present, and capable of honest conversation. Good hygiene, style, and a healthy lifestyle. Humor, intelligence, and kindness, matter most.
This time, I am slowing down. Instead of relying on chemistry alone or letting things unfold in a loose organic way, I am building a process around this search.
- I will create an application and open it for a defined period of time. I will read each submission carefully.
- From there, I will move into a vetting phase that includes conversations, dates, questions, and low-stakes opportunities for connection.
- Once I narrow the field, I will explore chemistry, and when it feels right, I will bring my final choice or choices to my “committee”. These are friends and former submissives who know and love me; they will look for holes that I don’t see.
In the past, connections moved quickly. Vetting was minimal. I trusted chemistry and hope more than process. Had I slowed down, asked better questions, and taken my time, I might have avoided much of the pain I carried last year.
That does not mean I regret the lesson.
Maybe the point was to learn it fully so I would never repeat it. Maybe everything I went through was preparation for doing this well. I do not need to romanticize the damage to respect the growth that came from it.
This is the beginning of a more mindful search. One that unfolds in steps. One that honors my needs and my boundaries. I am not rushing. I am not desperate. I am not abandoning myself again.
Sounds like a plan. Good luck.
When I read accounts like this, I count my lucky stars. I never worked at it. krissi basically fell into my lap (in every possible way)! And our other couples too … making it obvious they wanted to see more of krissi’s cock and, when I showed them, everything developed naturally. It DID take longer for some than others but the boys always did what their Domme allowed.
Good luck – I just went through this process as I decided to bring on a full service sub. It’s so critical to have your vetting process, take your time, and hold out until you find the right fit. It doesn’t mean you don’t get to have some fun along the way either!
I hope you share your journey on here!
Thank you for sharing this! This is such an important process when bringing in a new sub – someone who is going to be an integrated, intimate part of your life. It will be great for our readers to learn from your process.
May I ask where someone find opportunities to submit a application like yours,I live in a small town, i willing to relocate to have a true Femdom Relationship, I just need a direction to head to, I apologize if I wasn’t supposed to ask in this forum