Victor has been around for a while. He’s funny, charming, and absolutely cursed with a sadistic sense of humor. The kind of guy who will smile warmly at you while plotting something that will absolutely wreck your dignity.

A couple nights ago my girlfriend invited him over. I knew what that meant. What I didn’t know was that he’d show up carrying a bag with something… monstrous inside it.

He pulled it out like he was unveiling modern art. The biggest damn dildo I’ve ever seen. Gnarly, textured, shaped like something that crawled out of a sci-fi fever dream. I just stared at it like it might hiss at me.

He smirked.

“You should have to ride it while we have fun,” he said.

My girlfriend’s eyes lit up instantly. And that was that.

While they climbed onto our bed and started making out, I got naked and positioned myself with the alien monstrosity in front of me. I told myself to be brave. I told myself I’ve taken worse.

Reader, I had not taken worse.

I eased down carefully. Slowly. Very slowly. The tip alone was enough to make me reconsider my entire life. Meanwhile, behind me, they were getting louder, more intense, clearly enjoying the show.

Then Victor’s voice cut through the room.

“I said ride it.”

The tone. The timing. The fact that he said it while sliding himself into my girlfriend like this was just a normal Tuesday.

So I rode it.

At first carefully. Testing. Adjusting. Then faster when they started encouraging me. Up and down. Trying to keep rhythm while also trying not to fold in half from embarrassment.

Because here’s the thing. I was locked. Hard as hell in my cage. Straining uselessly while I bounced on this alien tentacle like I was auditioning for the worst circus in history.

It takes a lot to embarrass me. I’ve been in some positions. But riding an enormous sci-fi nightmare while another man enthusiastically enjoys your girlfriend on your own bed? Yeah. That did it.

My cheeks were burning. My brain was scrambled. They were laughing, moaning, having the time of their lives.

And me? I was a sweaty, determined idiot trying to prove I could follow instructions.

Victor wins that round.