duckie versus the demon coffee machine
by duckie | May 19, 2026 |
Madam has been traveling for a while now, and somewhere during her trip she decided duckie needed improvement.
that improvement arrived in the form of a giant, terrifyingly expensive espresso machine that got shipped directly to the estate with a simple note attached:
“improve your coffee game.”
apparently while visiting one of her friends, Madam discovered that friend’s submissive makes incredible coffee with one of these machines. and yes, i got instantly jealous. somewhere out there is another service boy earning praise through caffeine craftsmanship, and suddenly i took this very personally.
so while Madam has been away, i have been locked in combat with this stainless steel demon.
day one was catastrophic.
i somehow sprayed steamed milk across half the kitchen. then i packed the espresso grounds too tightly and the machine made a horrible choking sound like it was dying in agony. at one point foam blasted directly into my own face hard enough that i yelped.
that was when Cook walked in.
she stared at the mess. stared at me. stared at the machine.
then she smacked me on the shoulder with a wooden spoon and informed me that the coffee machine “cost more than you make in a year, boy.”
which honestly felt fair.
day two was not much better. i made espresso so strong it felt medically dangerous. Cook took one sip, blinked twice, and asked if i was trying to strip paint off the walls. later i somehow overflowed the drip tray without noticing, so i ended up naked on the kitchen floor mopping up coffee while questioning my life choices.
but then something shifted.
i started understanding the machine. the sounds. the timing. the grind size. the steaming wand stopped feeling like a weapon and started behaving like a tool. i watched tutorials. i took notes. i became completely obsessed.
and then last night, it happened.
perfect crema.
i literally gasped.
rich espresso. smooth foam. balanced flavor. beautiful little golden layer floating on top like coffee heaven itself. i stood there in the kitchen staring at the cup like i had just completed a sacred ritual.
Cook tasted it.
she narrowed her eyes suspiciously. took another sip. then nodded once.
which from Cook is basically a standing ovation.
this morning i made another perfect one. then another.
and honestly? i think i finally have the damn thing figured out.
Madam comes home soon.
duckie will be ready.
Hard to beat it in the morning I prefer cappuccino in evenings. And yes; operating the machines correctly is art. Congrats!!; another life skill mastered!