Annie and I love going for long drives. Scenic highways, country roads, little towns we’ve never been through before. Half the time we don’t really have a destination. We just kinda go where the road takes us. Annie also loves trivia. Unfortunately, she loves how bad I am at trivia almost as much as she loves trivia itself. Combine that with her sadistic sense of humor, and apparently you’ve got the ingredients for a new road-trip game.
We were out driving when Annie suddenly told me to pull over. I figured she’d spotted something she wanted to look at or wanted to take in the view. Instead, once we were safely stopped, she told me to get out and “loosen” my shorts. So I unbuckled them, looked at her, and started getting a much better understanding of why she’d specifically insisted I go commando for this drive. Apparently, my wife had been planning ahead.
Her little sadistic game involved a vibrating plug and the remote control remaining firmly in her possession. Once everything was situated, she had me get back into the driver’s seat. Then she reached over, rearranged my loosened shorts and grabbed my cock, pulling it out, leaving me feeling ridiculously exposed, sat back in her seat, and gave me one simple command.
“Drive.”
And that’s how the most fucked-up game of Trivial Pursuit on wheels began.
Annie would ask me a trivia question. If I got it right, congratulations! My fabulous reward was another trivia question. If I got it wrong, she turned on the vibrator and started frantically stroking me until I finally managed to answer something correctly. Then everything stopped and the questions continued. Considering I’m already terrible at trivia when I’m sitting comfortably at home with absolutely nothing distracting me, you can probably imagine how well this went. The answer is not fucking well.
At first I was laughing about it. Then I started getting frustrated because Annie was obviously enjoying watching my ability to think disappear. I’d know that I knew an answer, but my brain wouldn’t cooperate. I’d blurt out something stupid, she’d tell me I was wrong, and there went the vibrator again, there went her hand pumping me even faster. Then she’d calmly ask another question like we were contestants on some completely normal game show.
Eventually it became obvious that I was getting far too distracted to safely continue driving. Whatever else Annie might be, she’s not stupid about safety. She told me to pull off the road, and fortunately there was a little parking area coming up. I turned in, parked, and only then realized we’d stopped at a lavender farm.
With the car safely parked, Annie decided the game had reached its conclusion. She asked a series of questions she knew there was no chance in hell I’d have an answer to, and in just a few moments I was shooting my load uncontrollably. Afterwards, I was sitting there completely overwhelmed, embarrassed, and with very visible evidence on my shirt that I’d just spectacularly lost whatever game we’d been playing.
Annie looked at me, looked at my shirt, and seemed extremely pleased with herself. Then she calmly grabbed a wet wipe and started cleaning her hands. I was still sitting there trying to recover when she looked out the window. “Oh, look where we are. Go get me some fresh lavender.”
I stared at her. She stared back. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”
Nope.
So out of the car I went, cheeks red, shirt providing way more information about my afternoon than I wanted to share, trying desperately to act like some perfectly ordinary guy who had simply stopped at a lavender farm to buy his wife some flowers.
I returned with her lavender. She was delighted. I have no idea who won the trivia game, but I’m pretty fucking sure it wasn’t me.
ha you suck at trivia z! i remember testing out one of those zoom group game platforms with you and you got like one question right. like i just don’t understand how you suck so bad at it?!?