Parenting in an FLR comes with its own unique set of challenges, but nothing could have prepared me for the absolute horror I felt yesterday. I walked into the living room to find my sweet little first-grader proudly showing off her “new earrings”—a chain connecting both of her ears. It took me a moment to realize what I was looking at: Cody’s nipple clamps. Yes, our daughter had found them, and in her innocence, thought they were some kind of edgy jewelry.

Trying not to panic, I gently told her we needed to take them off. When I explained that these were actually Daddy’s and that he was supposed to have put them away, she gave me the most confused look and asked, “Why haven’t I seen Daddy wear earrings before?” What can you even say to that? I just smiled, said we’d have to ask Daddy another time, and immediately distracted her with a muffin and a quick trip outside to play. Crisis averted… for now. She’ll forget—kids always do—but Cody? Oh, Cody will not.

This was a major violation of his responsibilities. Keeping our adult items locked away where little hands can’t find them is non-negotiable. It’s a cornerstone of maintaining a healthy balance between our FLR and our family life. I haven’t decided on an appropriate punishment yet, but rest assured, Cody will learn just how seriously I take this. Sometimes being in charge means having to manage not only the fun, sexy parts of FLR but also the very real responsibilities of parenting—and making sure Daddy never makes this mistake again.