As a show of my gratitude today I’ll refer to my previous relation as L
Looking back, I remember how much her confidence affected me.
L was much older than I was, and there was something undeniably exciting about the way she carried herself. L didn’t seem uncertain about what she wanted, and even more importantly, she wasn’t shy about letting me know that she wanted me, and at a time when I was still figuring out so much about myself and that was certainty intoxicating.
My experience with her was amateur in every sense of the word. I was learning, experimenting, and discovering parts of myself that I hadn’t really known how to approach before. L had a way of making those discoveries feel less frightening and more natural.
One of the experiences that has stayed with me most strongly was my first experience with pegging. At the time, it felt like stepping into completely unfamiliar territory. Looking back now, though, I remember it less for the novelty and more for what it taught me about my own body and about what I could feel, what I could enjoy, and how much there was still left for me to discover.
That’s perhaps what I’m most grateful to her for.
L taught me to pay attention to my body instead of being embarrassed by it. L gave me permission, to be curious. There was something liberating about having someone more experienced confidently guide me while I learned where my own boundaries and desires were.
Years later, I can look back on that chapter with a certain fondness. Not because everything was perfect, and not because I would necessarily want to recreate every part of it, but because it was an important beginning.
She was part of my education in submission, but she was also part of my education in myself and for that, I remain grateful.