Early Signs
When I look back, the signs were always there. As a child, I can remember telling other kids what to do and being called a bully for it. My sisters, who were my primary caretakers, told me I was bossy. Teachers told me I was bossy. Everywhere I turned, people were telling me to stop talking, sit down, be quiet, that I was too much. What they were really saying was: be more manageable. Take up less space. Demand less.
The Container
Our culture provides us with containers to live in. For girls, those containers are made of silence, compliance, helpfulness, and the constant expectation to nurture. Girls are taught to grow into good mothers and caretakers. Boys, on the other hand, are raised with the opposite script. They are told to be assertive, to lead, to dominate.
This is the dichotomy that patriarchy thrives on. But when you don’t fit into the container that’s been built for you, life becomes a battle with yourself. You start to believe that your natural self, loud, assertive, and commanding, is wrong. So you shrink. You quiet yourself. You disconnect from who you are. It’s confusing and damaging. That happened to me.
Losing Myself
In my late teens, when I started dating, I felt this deep disconnection from men. The men I was exposed to were largely shaped by those patriarchal containers, and repelled me. Their posturing, their aggression, their cat-calling, the way they called women “baby” or expected to be called Daddy made my skin crawl.
So I turned away from them, assuming I was lesbian. Men had only ever disgusted me, while life with women felt safe and grounded. I discovered Queer spaces and subcultures. I learned about Riot Grrrls, strap-ons, about power dynamics, and about relationships that existed outside the scripts I had been handed. My first exploration was at 19, and through that relationship, I found kink and a sense of possibility I had not known before. I dated a few men here and there, but I didn’t talk about it; I didn’t want to be one of “those lesbians”. Later, I got married to a woman and lived a conservative-ish lesbian mom life for nearly 20 years.
Finding FemDom
And then, in my early forties, I found FemDom. It was like something clicked into place.
Suddenly, my entire history made sense. Why I was called bossy and why men repelled me when they tried to dominate me. The reason I feel most alive when I am the one holding the power. FemDom gave me language for who I was. It allowed me to see that nothing was wrong with me. I wasn’t too much. I wasn’t broken. I was waiting to be named.
That discovery was liberating. It helped me reclaim my identity and my power. It permitted me to be authentic. Once I allowed that authenticity in, the walls I had built to protect myself began to fall away. The shame, the confusion, the old containers I had been shoved into all started to dissolve.
Becoming Myself
What emerged was the most beautiful transformation. FemDom did not just give me a role to play; It gave me back to myself. I am Queer, but I found that I love men as much as I love women and nonbinary people. I learned that sexuality and gender are fluid, that I am not one of “those lesbians”. I am grateful every day for this community, for a space where an individual femme’s power is not silenced but celebrated.
This is only the beginning of what I want to share here at FemDomU. My journey has been winding, full of lessons, and I look forward to opening more of those doors with you.
oh wow, Queen Ketzeleh – thank you for sharing. amazing story and photo! welcome to the team!
Thank you, duckie! 🙂
A wonderfully insightful post! I absolutely adore the photo.
I felt a bit of discomfort, a little twinge of ‘ewww’ as you were describing the men in your early life. I think your journey is amazing, and I, for one, am very happy that you’ve been able to realize the real you… and very happy that journey led you to us!
Thank you for sharing!
Thank you Mizz Geena – I am super happy to be here!!
Oh me oh my a queen you have always been. 19 and sassy with your fiery red hair and sexy stair. I’m glad you are finding your space in this world it’s funny how life brings us to these big doors. You and I and we seem to meet there to open them together. Here’s to the next chapter Queen
There are many men looking to serve a strong, dominant, woman like yourself. We find our purpose in submitting to your leadership. I look forward to reading and learning and serving you.
Thank you, dave.
Welcome to the team!
Thank you, Mistress Heather. 🙂
Queen Ketzeleh greetings. An absolutely fascinating post You shared with the group.
After reading the post 3 times I learned something about You in each reading.
There is no doubt Your contributions will be felt by all members of the team. We are so lucky You have found us .
Thank you! I appreciate that so much.
Welcome to the team, Queen Ketzeleh!!
You had me at riot grrrl, Queen.
Bratmobile and Bikini Kill are ALL OVER my workout playlist…as well as my protest playlist.
A kiss to both soles, diosa. I dig you already.
Welcome to the Magazine Queen Ketzeleh. I look forward to learning more from you!
What a great journey and prime example of how sometime society and stereotypes are plain and simply wrong!
Great first post and thanks for sharing. Welcome to the team and keen to read more.
Welcome to the team Queen Ketzeleh! Your beauty and power radiates from your image and your writing – I am eager to read more!
Thank you, levi! I’m excited to share.
Welcome to FemdomU Ketzeleh. What a unique and beautiful name!
Let me know if you ever need anything I can help with!
Thank you! It’s Yiddish for kitten. 🙂
Welcome to the team Queen! Your post and bio really caught my eye. Can’t wait to read more.
Welcome! An amazing name – embraces both power and sensitivity. Glad you’re on the team, what a wonderful time to join… use the virgo new moon energy to bring new structure to your domination, while embracing the moon in scorpio and sagittarius at month’s end will be a boost to your power, and how those around you perceive your power!