getting through the punishments, but the five nights in sub jail started on sunday, and tonight will be the fourth night. honestly? it is not nearly as bad as i imagined.

don’t get me wrong, i still hate it.

the cell itself is fine. small cot. little sink. toilet. clean walls. no real complaints there. Madam built them to be functional, not cruel. the problem is not the room. the problem is everything i am missing.

every night at 8 p.m. i walk down there and lock myself in. every morning at 8 a.m. i get released and go back to work. it sounds simple enough until you realize how much of my life happens during those hours.

i miss wandering the estate at night. i miss checking on things before bed. i miss having the freedom to go curl up with a book when i can’t sleep. and most of all, i miss my regular duties.

the punishment requires another sub to fill in for me, and while i know he is doing a fine job, it still drives me crazy. every night i know somebody else is handling Madam’s turndown service. somebody else is making sure everything is ready for her evening. somebody else is doing the little things that i normally take pride in.

then there is the morning. usually i am up and moving early. now i am sitting in a cell until release time, knowing somebody else is handling responsibilities that are normally mine.

jealous? maybe a little. okay, a lot. the funny thing is that the first night felt endless. i kept looking at the clock. every hour felt like three hours. by night three i had adjusted. now i have a routine. read a little. think a little. stare at the wall a little. contemplate the poor life choices that landed me here. you know, normal prisoner stuff.

the good news is there is only one more night after tonight. the bad news is i still have the other punishments. the television is still gone. Cook is still finding impossible amounts of kitchen work for me. and somehow i am still surviving. barely.

if you hear a distant sound coming from the estate tonight, it is probably duckie counting down the hours until release.