So I had my latest adventure with Levi, and yeah… I mentioned in the blog that I watched him go down on my wife.
That was a big moment. Not something I took lightly, and it definitely stirred up some emotions I had to sit with and process. But all in all, things were good. Intense, sure. But good.
On a side note, I really hope Levi makes it back to finish writing up his part of the story. He went through a lot, and I think folks would enjoy hearing it in his own words. If not, I’ll try to fill in the blanks. Truth is, I wasn’t there for everything he experienced.
And now… I’m in a bit of a pickle.
There’s something Annie wants. She really wants it. Up until now, I’ve been resistant. Not outright defiant. Just hesitant. But that hesitation is starting to cause tension between us.
She told me she might start limiting the commands she gives me until I follow through. That’s hard to hear because I live to please her. Annie is incredible. She is generous, focused, and always thoughtful. She gives so much to me and to us. I want to serve her well. I want to make her proud.
But this?
She wants to see me get penetrated by a man. Not just a quick, passing experience either. She has a full vision in her head. I would go down on him first, then be bent over and penetrated, with her watching and giving commands throughout.
I’m fairly sure at least part of this came from her conversations with Mizz Geena. Those two have become close, and to be honest, Geena is not shy about bringing intense ideas into play.
Sometimes I wonder if it would really be that big of a deal. I’ve had strapons inside me that are much larger than anything she is likely to bring home. So it’s not about fear of penetration. I can take it. I’ve taken more. I think it’s something else. Maybe mental. Maybe emotional. Or maybe it’s just the reality that it would be a living, breathing person involved. That adds a layer I haven’t fully sorted out.
So here I am, caught between devotion and discomfort.
Most of the Dommes would probably say the same thing. This is obedience. It’s not about what I want. It’s about what pleases her.
And I understand that. I really do.
But this feels like a line. Or maybe it used to be. Maybe it is starting to blur. Maybe that’s the point. Or maybe it’s okay to hold firm now and then. I honestly don’t know.
What I do know is that I love serving Annie. And this request, this fantasy, this plan is not going away.
So I’m thinking. Processing. Trying to figure it out.
I think I get it, I mean chances of me being in your position are slim to none. So can only do me best fit of being in your shoes.
But it’s that change from being used physically by your domme, to being used as part of your dommes indirect pleasure. I honestly don’t know how I’d feel about it either, especially knowing about it ahead of the event that perhaps it isn’t if more when. I mean if it just happened on a whim that’s one thing as you are already in that sub space zone. But you know it’s coming you spend too much time running it though your head all the scenarios – not sure if that ends up being better or worse.
It sounds like what you have between yourself and Annie is super special though, and that you already go above and beyond to make her happy.
I guess focus on that, as you say I’m sure she wouldn’t push this if she didn’t believe you could handle it.
Yeha, thanks man. I think that is a big part of it – she’s gotten it into my head. I’m thinking about it too much. What if it hurts. What if I am bad at it. What if she doesn’t enjoy watching me do that after all? What if it changes things.
I’ve enjoyed when she’s had her female friends use me. She keeps saying this is just like that— but it really isn’t.
OMG can you feel my eyes rolling to the back of my head? Stop being a little bitch, man up and be your wife’s proper sub. Haven’t we been talking about this for, like, since you joined us? If its what she wants, she’s given you the command – why the fuck is there even a question here? Zeek, seriously. We’re voting on you right now, but I suppose that is ‘work related.’
Well, here’s what I can do – 20 punishment lashings for making me angry.
Thank you Miss Autumn.
Zeek, it will become second nature, like everything else She’s led you through.
krissi’s been fluffing bulls for years. The weekend after his recent punishment, while we visited my college roommate (for 3 nights of partying), I had him cross this boundary. My former roommate has been a “swinger” (with both ex’s) for years. Party guests included these people, most still married couples, and almost from the start became orgies. After the audience watched me, and then at her request, my roommate take krissi with the wolf penis strapon, it was only natural to have the guys take turns. It all worked out great! Tons of fun!! We’re planning for those who can to come here at some point in the future.
my group had a brief conclave of our own yesterday. This experience – at my roommate’s – led to discussion I just posted here as a reply to Miss Autumn.
It’s natural, Zeek; go with the flow. Annie wont lead you wrong.
Thank you Mistress Meghan. Wow even fluffing bulls is a threshold for me.
dude. you got this.
for real, when you let him into your ass, it’s not about him. it’s not for his pleasure. it’s for hers.
you’re accepting her command. you’re saying, “yes, annie, i’m yours. fully. completely.”
you’re not just spreading your cheeks. you’re opening your heart.
that’s devotion. that’s obedience. that’s the good stuff.
and yeah, it might be awkward or intense or weird at first. but every second you endure, every inch you take, you’re proving you belong to her.
so lube up, breathe deep, and remember exactly who you’re doing it for.
#teamannie
ha thanks duckie. You almost make it sound poetic…