I have discovered there is a panty thief living in my house. The funny part is, I think he’s making money from it.

As many of you know, we’ve been getting ready for the move, which means I’ve been getting rid of a lot of things I no longer need. thing2 has always been pretty good at selling things online, especially clothing, so I told him he could handle listing and shipping whatever I decided to part with.

It worked out great. Boxes disappeared, closet space opened up, and a little extra money found its way back into the household.

Then something strange started happening. I kept reaching into my panty drawer and thinking, “Didn’t I own more than this?”

At first I didn’t think much of it. Maybe the laundry hadn’t been done in a while. Maybe I’d packed some already. Maybe they were sitting in the dryer.

So I asked houseboy. Being the wonderfully organized little domestic he is, he immediately assured me the laundry was completely caught up. Every item had been washed, folded, and put away.

Well… apparently not every item.

After a little investigation, I discovered the culprit. thing2 had been selling my panties. Not the clothing I’d told him he could sell. My panties, straight out of my dresser drawer.

Naturally, I confronted him.

Once he realized the game was over, he confessed to everything. Apparently, after he ran through the pairs I’d unknowingly “donated” from my dresser, he decided to expand his inventory by helping himself to pairs from the dirty laundry basket as well.

I have to admit, I was equal parts impressed and horrified. On one hand, that’s certainly entrepreneurial. On the other hand, I’d really like to know where my underwear is before I start accusing houseboy of forgetting the laundry.

The good news is we’ve solved the mystery of the disappearing panties. The bad news for thing2 is that he’s now on very strict panty inventory control. Every pair in my drawer is accounted for.

At least… I think it is. I’m probably going to count them again.