Guiding Your Sub into True Obedience: Strategies for Overcoming Topping from the Bottom

In the world of BDSM, maintaining the power dynamic is crucial to ensuring a satisfying experience for both the Dominant and the submissive. However, sometimes a submissive may attempt to exert control over the scene, a behavior known as “topping from the bottom.” This occurs when a sub tries to dictate the flow of the session, subtly or overtly steering the Domme in a direction that serves their desires rather than surrendering fully to her control. This article explores the phenomenon of topping from the bottom and offers practical strategies for Dommes to regain control and guide their subs into being true, obedient bottoms.

Understanding Topping from the Bottom

What Is Topping from the Bottom?

Topping from the bottom occurs when a submissive, consciously or unconsciously, tries to influence or control the dynamic of a BDSM session. This might manifest as:

Directing the Domme: Offering suggestions or instructions on what they want the Domme to do next.
Bratting: Acting out or misbehaving with the intent of provoking a specific response from the Domme.
Manipulating: Using emotional tactics, such as guilt or flattery, to influence the Domme’s decisions during the session.
Refusing Commands: Selectively obeying only the commands that align with their desires while ignoring or resisting others.

Why Does It Happen?

There are various reasons why a submissive might top from the bottom:

Fear of Vulnerability: Some subs may struggle with fully relinquishing control, leading them to subconsciously try to steer the session.
Miscommunication: The sub may not fully understand their role or the expectations in the dynamic, leading to inadvertent attempts to control the scene.
Testing Boundaries: Some subs might test their Domme’s limits and authority, consciously or unconsciously, to see how she responds.
Unmet Needs: The sub might feel that their desires or limits aren’t being addressed, leading them to attempt to steer the session to meet those needs.

Strategies for Regaining Control

1. Establish Clear Boundaries and Expectations

Before the session begins, have a thorough conversation about the roles and expectations. Make it clear that as the Domme, you are in charge and that topping from the bottom is unacceptable. Reinforce the importance of trust and submission in the dynamic, emphasizing that their role is to follow, not lead.

2. Use Firm and Clear Communication

When you notice your sub attempting to top from the bottom, address it immediately. Use a firm, authoritative tone to remind them of their role. For example:

“I’m in charge here. You will follow my lead.”
“Your job is to submit, not to dictate how this goes.”

By asserting your authority, you remind them of the power dynamic and re-establish your control.

3. Implement Consequences for Topping from the Bottom

One effective way to discourage topping from the bottom is to implement consequences when it occurs. These can range from mild punishments to more severe disciplinary actions, depending on the severity of the behavior.

Don’t Give Him What He Wants

If your sub enjoys certain punishments, such as spanking, and is attempting to top from the bottom to receive that specific discipline, avoid using it as a consequence. Instead, choose a punishment that is either neutral or unpleasant for him. For example:

Timeouts: Place him in a timeout where he must stand in the corner, away from your attention and presence. This lack of engagement can be particularly effective if he craves interaction.
Silent Treatment: Ignore him for a set period, denying him the attention or reaction he might be seeking. This can be especially frustrating for a sub who thrives on your attention.
Increase Severity: If you choose to use a punishment he typically enjoys, make it severe enough that it’s no longer pleasurable. For instance, if he enjoys light spanking, intensify the session to the point where it becomes something he would rather avoid in the future.

Other Consequences

Revoking Privileges: Take away privileges that your sub values, such as the right to speak without permission, orgasm, or certain forms of play. This reinforces that their behavior has consequences that affect their standing in the dynamic.
Extra Chores: Assign tedious or unpleasant tasks as punishment. These should be activities he doesn’t enjoy, such as cleaning or organizing. This shifts the focus from pleasure to service, reminding him of his role.
Behavioral Training: Introduce behavioral training exercises, such as practicing positions or repeating submissive affirmations, to reinforce his place and your authority.

4. Introduce Protocols and Rituals

Introducing specific protocols and rituals can help reinforce the sub’s role and discourage topping from the bottom. These might include:

Submissive Positioning: Have your sub assume a specific position that signifies submission at the beginning of the session.
Verbal Affirmations: Require your sub to verbally affirm their submission, such as saying, “I am here to serve you, Mistress,” at the start of each session.
Behavioral Rules: Set rules for how your sub must behave during sessions, such as speaking only when spoken to or asking permission before making requests.

These rituals and protocols can create a structured environment that reduces the likelihood of topping from the bottom.

5. Engage in Dominant Reaffirmation

If you feel that your sub is repeatedly topping from the bottom, consider engaging in a “reaffirmation” session focused on reinforcing your dominance. This might involve:

Intense Discipline: Administer a more rigorous punishment session to remind your sub of their place.
Verbal Domination: Use assertive language to reassert your authority, reminding them of the power dynamic.
Forced Obedience: Give a series of commands that require immediate and unquestioning obedience, reinforcing the expectation of submission.

6. Encourage Open Communication Outside of Sessions

Sometimes, topping from the bottom is a sign that there are underlying issues or unmet needs in the relationship. Encourage your sub to communicate openly with you outside of sessions. This can help identify any concerns or desires they have, allowing you to address them without undermining the power dynamic during play.

Conclusion: Guiding Him into True Submission

Topping from the bottom can be frustrating for any Domme, but it’s also an opportunity to reinforce your dominance and guide your sub into deeper submission. By establishing clear boundaries, using firm communication, implementing consequences that don’t reward bad behavior, and encouraging open dialogue, you can successfully curb this behavior and cultivate a more obedient, responsive, and truly submissive partner. Remember, your authority is the foundation of the dynamic—by standing firm and confident, you can ensure that both you and your sub experience the fulfilling and powerful relationship you desire.