Always Getting Better: How to Self-Monitor Your Improvement in Pleasing Her

In a Female Led Relationship, your growth is not just a nice bonus—it’s your responsibility. You’re not there to coast. You’re not there to hit “good enough” and park it. As submissive men, one of our core duties is to continually improve in our ability to please Her. Emotionally. Physically. Sensually. Logistically. Holistically.

And while praise from Her is a sweet, rare nectar… you don’t work for the praise. You work for Her pleasure. And that means you have to take charge of monitoring your progress. Don’t make the mistake of expecting Her to give you a performance review. She’s not your manager. She’s your Domme. If She wants to tell you how you’re doing, of course you listen and take it to heart—but the standard is you always improve whether She says something or not.

Here’s my full personal system for self-monitoring my progress. It’s a real, detailed plan. You can copy it, tweak it, evolve it, or make your own. But above all—do the work. That’s your place.

1. Track Her Pleasure — But Don’t Reduce It to Numbers

Yes, orgasms matter. If She’s having fewer orgasms over time, that could be a sign something’s slipping. But orgasm count is only part of the picture.

Instead of logging “did she come?”, I track:

• Did she seem fully relaxed afterward?
• Did I follow her preferences?
• Did she linger with me, or dismiss me quickly?
• Did her breathing shift during? Did I sense her letting go?
• Did she ask for something different?
• Did I respond intuitively to her reactions?
• Was she eager for touch, or did she seem hesitant or distracted?

I jot down a few words in a private, locked journal after every scene or sexual experience. No emotion—just facts. This gives me a pattern to look back on. If two weeks go by and every entry says “mild, distracted, not fully present,” that’s a sign something needs adjusting. And I don’t go to her whining. I reflect, adapt, and do better.

2. Keep a Service Scorecard

Pleasing her isn’t about a one-time great performance—it’s about sustained excellence. Are you consistently meeting her expectations? If she loves a certain act or style of service, are you delivering it flawlessly every time? If there are fluctuations in your performance, analyze what affects them and work to eliminate inconsistencies.

Every week, I score myself (privately) 1–10 on these key areas:

• Anticipation – Did I anticipate her needs or just react?
• Speed – Did I do what she wanted fast, or drag my feet?
• Obedience – Did I follow instructions precisely, or improvise too much?
• Creativity – Did I offer something new and thoughtful, or just go through the motions?
• Presentation – Did I show up polished, proud, and hungry to serve?

If a score drops, I don’t panic—I investigate. Was I tired? Lazy? Distracted? Did I prioritize my needs without realizing it?

This isn’t about perfection. It’s about conscious service.

3. Monitor Your Own Mindset

Sometimes the problem isn’t the task, it’s the energy behind it. Check in with yourself weekly:

• Did you feel resentment at any point?
• Did you secretly wish she’d ask less of you?
• Did you get sulky after being denied something?
• Did you fantasize more about being in control than being controlled?

Those thoughts aren’t “bad”—they’re just signals. When I see them pop up, I remind myself: submission is a discipline. Not every moment is easy. But when the struggle comes, that’s when your growth gets real.

4. Keep a Brag List (Secretly)

Yeah, I know. Humility. Obedience. Ego death. All that’s true. But sometimes, we subs get so deep in our own heads that we forget we are doing better. So once a week, I jot down:

• The best thing I did for Her this week
• One moment where I think I truly impressed Her
• One way I overcame an internal weakness

It’s not for her. It’s not for social media. It’s for me—to remind myself that I am improving. And improvement motivates more improvement.

5. Audit Your Communication

You know that thing we sometimes do where we try to “earn” praise by talking about how much we did? Cut that out. Instead, review your own communication and ask:

• Did I speak to Her with clarity, deference, and confidence?
• Did I share useful information without overloading her?
• Did I ask for what I needed only when appropriate—and without expectation?

One way I test myself: I reread any messages I sent Her in the past week. Were they tight and focused, or needy and verbose? Were they humble or were they veiled pleas for recognition?

Submissive communication is an art—and your tone is part of your service.

6. Set Goals That Aren’t About You

Yes, the number of orgasms and how quickly you can bring her there can be a useful measure, but they are not the only indicators of success. Consider her mental and emotional satisfaction. Does she seem more at ease with you? Does she express increased confidence in your submission? Does she show more enthusiasm for your service? These are signs that your devotion is reaching deeper levels.

It’s easy to set goals like “I want to make her come three times this week.” That’s fine. But I’ve found more powerful growth in goals like:

• “I want to offer her something new she hasn’t asked for.”
• “I want to anticipate her needs without waiting for instruction.”
• “I want her to feel so safe and indulged she falls asleep smiling.”

These are less measurable—but more powerful. When you chase her happiness, you usually grow in directions you didn’t expect.

7. Study and Adapt

A truly devoted sub always seeks knowledge. Read about new techniques, study resources on improving as a submissive, and pay attention to what she responds best to. Be proactive in your education so that you can bring new levels of pleasure and satisfaction to her without being asked.

Final Word

You’re not just her plaything. You’re her instrument. Her asset. Her exquisite tool. That doesn’t happen by accident. You become that through active, continual refinement.

Self-monitoring isn’t about insecurity. It’s about devotion. You show her you’re serious not by waiting for instructions—but by proving, every day, that your submission is intelligent, evolving, and deeply intentional.

So keep the journal. Track the moments. Refine your service. And become not just a good sub… but her best one.