Bound by Fear : Conquering the Fear of Bondage for Submissive in Femdom Relationship

Dear Mizz Geena:

I have a problem I’m hoping you can help me with. My girlfriend enjoys dominating me, and I really think I’ve found my true calling being her submissive. But there’s a basic thing she wants to do that makes me freak out – bondage. Her fantasy is to tie me down to the bed and have her way with me – and I love the idea too! But, every time we try, I instantly freak out and have a hard time breathing. Before we can even get started she has to release me. It’s embarrassing and frustrating, and I really want to be able to do this. I trust her entirely and want to show her that by letting her tie me down and have her way with me!

What is wrong with me? How can I make myself okay with being bound by my beautiful dominant girlfriend?

Sincerely,
Scared of Rope

Dear Scared of Rope,

First of all, I want to thank you for reaching out to me and trusting me with your problem. It takes courage to seek help and I commend you for that. I can understand how frustrating and confusing it must be for you to have conflicting feelings towards bondage. On one hand, you have a strong desire to please your dominant girlfriend and fulfill her fantasies, but on the other hand, the actual activity of being tied up causes you to panic.

Let me start by saying that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Your reaction to bondage is completely natural and valid. Bondage is not something that everyone is comfortable with, and it is important to acknowledge and respect your own boundaries and limits. As a Dominatrix, I have encountered many individuals who struggle with similar issues, and I can assure you that you are not alone in this.

It is important to understand that BDSM, which stands for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism, is a diverse and complex world. It is not a one-size-fits-all approach, and what works for one person may not work for another. This is why communication and consent are crucial in any BDSM dynamic. It is essential to have open and honest communication with your partner about your desires, boundaries, and limits. This will not only help build trust and intimacy but also ensure that both partners are on the same page.

Now, let’s delve into the root of your fear of bondage. The fear of losing control is a common underlying issue for many who struggle with bondage. Being tied up and restrained can make one feel vulnerable and exposed, which can be scary for some individuals. It is also possible that your fear stems from a past traumatic experience that you may not be aware of. It is important to explore and understand the root cause of your fear before trying to overcome it.

One way to do this is through guided visualization or meditation. Find a quiet and comfortable place where you won’t be disturbed, and close your eyes. Take deep breaths and try to relax your mind and body. Then, visualize yourself being tied up and restrained by your girlfriend. Observe your feelings and emotions. Are you able to identify where the fear is coming from? If not, try to take yourself back to a time when you may have felt a similar fear or vulnerability. This can help you identify any possible triggers that may be causing your fear.

If guided visualization does not work for you, consider seeking professional help. A therapist or a sex therapist can help you unpack and overcome your fear in a safe and non-judgmental space. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

While exploring the root cause of your fear is essential, it is also crucial to establish a safe word with your girlfriend. A safe word is a code word that signals to your partner to stop the activity immediately. It is important to establish this before engaging in any BDSM activity to ensure that you have a way out if things become too overwhelming.

Another way to ease into bondage is to start small and slow. Instead of jumping into full-body bondage, try starting with just your hands or feet. This will allow you to become familiar with the sensation of being restrained. You can also try using softer materials such as silk scarves or velcro restraints instead of ropes. This can help reduce the intensity of the experience and make it more manageable for you.

One method I’ve had success using with reluctant subs is a form of self-restraint bondage. What you do is secure the ropes, scarves, or whatever materials you’re using to the bed and then hold onto the ends during the session. This can be a challenging activity as you must resist the urge to let go, even though your logical mind knows you are free. It can be even more enjoyable if your partner participates in this game with you. Perhaps they have the challenge of trying to get you to let go while yours is to hold on. With practice, this exercise can help train your brain to overcome any fear and embrace the experience.

As you gradually become more comfortable with bondage, you can experiment with different positions and restraints. It is important to communicate with your girlfriend throughout and let her know what feels good and what doesn’t. Remember, your pleasure and comfort should always be a priority in any BDSM activity.

Lastly, it is essential to have a debriefing session with your girlfriend after any BDSM play. This is a time to discuss your experience, feelings, and any boundaries that may have been pushed. This will not only help build trust and intimacy but also ensure that both partners are on the same page.

In conclusion, I want to reiterate that there is nothing wrong with you for feeling scared of bondage. It is a natural and valid reaction, and you should never feel pressured to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. It is essential to communicate openly and honestly with your partner and explore the root cause of your fear. Remember to start small, establish a safe word, and have a debriefing session after each play. With patience, understanding, and communication, you and your beautiful dominant girlfriend can find a way to enjoy bondage together.

I hope this advice has been helpful to you, and I wish you all the best in your BDSM journey.

Best regards,

Mizz Geena