Well, it’s done!

As many of you know, my wife Annie sponsored a resolution during Conclave VI commanding me to get a body modification. The choices presented to Conclave were either a tattoo, a double nipple piercing, or nothing. First, the ladies decided yes, I was getting one of the two!

Here’s the funny part. I’ve talked about getting both for years. Years. I always thought they looked cool, I’d research them, think about it for a while… and then never actually do anything. Annie finally got tired of hearing me talk and not act.

So she took matters into her own hands.

She used the authority of Conclave to make sure I’d finally follow through. Annie actually voted for the tattoo herself, but the majority of Conclave chose the nipple piercings. The very next day she had me booked for an appointment. Last night, I obeyed.

I’ll say this right away. The studio she chose was fantastic. Soda Pop Piercing on North Mississippi Avenue here in Portland was professional from the moment I walked in. Billy was my piercer, and he immediately put me at ease. He explained everything he was doing, answered my questions, marked everything carefully, and made sure I was happy before we started.

Then came the first nipple.

I’m not going to sugarcoat it. The moment the needle entered, I thought, “Holy shit, that’s one of the worst pains I’ve ever felt.”

Then he pushed it the rest of the way through.

Nope. That was the worst pain I’d ever felt.

I actually laughed afterward and told Billy it was a good thing I was deliberately laying on my hands because I honestly think my body’s instinct would have been to swing at him. It wasn’t anger. It was just that involuntary “make it stop” reaction that happens when something hurts that much. It reminded me why Annie likes restraining me during certain activities. Apparently, she knows my instincts better than I do.

The surprising part is that I immediately agreed to do the second one.

Not because I wanted another round of that pain, but because I knew myself. If I walked out with only one pierced, there was almost no chance I’d ever come back to finish the job. Better to grit my teeth, get it over with, and be done.

I’m glad I did.

Right now I’m wearing the longer titanium barbells needed for healing. In a few weeks I’ll go back so Billy can shorten them once the swelling has gone down. He actually told me he thinks my anatomy should heal well, which was nice to hear. After that, we’re planning to switch them out for what I’ve wanted all along: black niobium rings.

I think they’re going to look incredible.

Honestly, today they feel much better than I expected. That unbelievable pain was incredibly short-lived. Now they’re mostly just a little tender and sensitive, which is exactly what you’d expect after getting holes punched through your nipples.

Billy’s aftercare advice made me laugh.

“Tell everyone to keep their grubby paws off of them.”

I repeated that to Annie when I got home.

She informed me that she doesn’t particularly agree with that recommendation.

In fact, judging by the smile on her face, I think she’s counting down the days until they’re healed enough that she can start appreciating her investment.

So there it is.

Conclave gave the command.

Annie made the appointment.

I obeyed.

And yes, I’m including a couple small photos as proof that the command has officially been completed. They’re still a little swollen, but I’m pretty happy with how they turned out.