Gift Bags and Self-Care: Aftercare Solutions for Dommes Who Aren’t Interested in Coddling

Dear Mizz Geena

I very much enjoy playing the part of Dominatrix. I didn’t discover this until I was in my mid-thirties when I had my first experience dating a submissive man, and he helped me learn how to dominate in the bedroom. For the past ten years, I’ve been exclusively dating men who are willing to submit to me, and I’ve seriously enjoyed improving my skills, learning new ways to make him feel pain and pleasure, and satisfying my sadistic side. However, I absolutely cannot stand providing aftercare. There is nothing about it that I enjoy – Indeed, it makes me angry. After a long session of whipping him, pegging him, and bringing him to new levels of degradation and new heights of orgasms, I am not about to baby him afterward to make sure he is okay.

Fuck him – he enjoyed it as much as I did. When we’re done, he can rest a moment, then I want him to get dressed and leave. I know all the advice about giving him aftercare, but I am not going to do it.

So, what can I do to accomplish what he needs without having to do more than show him to the door? Maybe a gift bag?

Sincerely,
FuckandGo Dominatrix

Dear FuckandGo Dominatrix,

First, let me say that it’s great you’ve found your passion in dominating and that you’ve been honing your skills over the past decade. It’s clear you take pride in your dominance and enjoy the power and control you wield in your relationships with submissive men. However, I completely understand where you’re coming from regarding aftercare. While it’s a staple in many BDSM practices, it’s not something that every Dominatrix enjoys or feels inclined to provide.

1. Understanding Aftercare:

Aftercare is traditionally seen as an essential part of BDSM play because it helps both parties come down from the emotional and physical intensity of the session. It’s a way to ensure that the submissive feels safe, cared for, and emotionally stable after the scene, which can often be intense and draining. However, it’s important to remember that aftercare can take many forms, and it doesn’t always have to involve the Dominatrix directly providing it.

2. Alternative Approaches to Aftercare:

If you’re not interested in providing aftercare yourself, there are alternative approaches that can still ensure your submissive’s well-being without requiring you to engage in something you dislike.

Self-Directed Aftercare: One option is to have your submissive take responsibility for his own aftercare. You can provide him with guidance on how to take care of himself after a session, such as suggesting he takes a warm bath, drinks plenty of water, or listens to soothing music. Let him know that after the session, he’s expected to handle his own decompression and care. This way, you maintain your dominant position without having to engage in the aftercare process directly.

Delegated Aftercare: Another approach could be to arrange for someone else to provide aftercare. This could be a trusted friend, a fellow Domme, or even another submissive who enjoys nurturing and caring for others. This keeps you out of the aftercare process while still ensuring your submissive receives the care he might need.

Aftercare Kit: The idea of a gift bag is actually a great one. You could create an “aftercare kit” that includes items like a soft blanket, a snack, a bottle of water, some soothing lotion, and perhaps a note from you reminding him that he did well and that you’ll see him next time. This allows him to have something tangible to care for himself with, and it shows that you’ve thought about his needs even if you’re not directly involved in the aftercare process.

3. Setting Clear Expectations:

Communication is key here. Make sure that any submissive you’re involved with understands from the beginning that aftercare is not something you provide. Be upfront about your preferences and expectations so that there are no misunderstandings. If he agrees to this arrangement, then you both know what to expect, and he can prepare accordingly.

4. Exploring Compatible Partners:

It’s also worth considering that some submissives might be perfectly fine without aftercare or may even prefer not to receive it. You might seek out partners who share this preference, ensuring a more compatible dynamic where both of you are satisfied with how things are handled post-session.

5. First Aid Aftercare:

While there are potential options for fulfilling the emotional aspect of aftercare, it is vital to acknowledge that it is ultimately the Domme’s responsibility to ensure the sub receives any necessary medical attention or first-aid. Injuries can occur during sessions and it is essential for the Domme to be prepared to provide care or delegate it to someone else. The well-being of the sub must always be a top priority.

Final Thoughts:

At the end of the day, your comfort and preferences are just as important as your submissive’s needs. If aftercare is something that makes you angry or uncomfortable, it’s absolutely valid to set that boundary. By providing alternative solutions, like self-directed aftercare or an aftercare kit, you can still ensure that your submissive’s needs are met without compromising your own desires.

Remember, BDSM is about mutual respect, trust, and communication. As long as you’re open and clear about your boundaries, there’s no reason why you can’t continue to enjoy your role as a Dominatrix without engaging in aftercare.

Dominate on your terms, and let your submissives know that aftercare isn’t your thing—but that doesn’t mean their well-being isn’t considered.

With strength and confidence,

Mizz Geena