The Sunburned Sub

There once was a sub who loved bein’ nude,
Who figured that sunscreen was totally crude.
“I’ll soak up the sunshine! I’ll tan like a king!”
He forgot every pasty and dangly thing.

He stretched on the lawn with his cock to the sky,
While birds flew above and the clouds drifted by.
He snored through the noon and slept through the heat,
With both of his balls getting roasted complete.

By evening he stood with a terrible yelp,
Saying, “Fuck! I might actually need a little help!”

His cock was bright crimson from tip to the base.
His ass looked like someone had slapped it with haste.
His balls had puffed up like two overripe pears.
He waddled around making pitiful swears.

His Mistress walked in and she started to grin.
“What happened, my dear? Did stupidity win?”

“I thought I’d look sexy all naked outside.”

“You certainly do,” she laughed. “Deep-fried.”

She handed him aloe. “Rub this where you’re red.”

“I can’t even sit!”

“So stand then,” she said.

He tried putting boxers on, nearly passed out.
He tried taking showers and started to shout.
Each breeze was a curse. Every chair was a foe.
He walked like a cowboy all awkward and slow.

The neighborhood children just pointed and stared.

“Why’s that funny man walking so weird?”

Nobody knew that beneath those loose shorts
Lurked the battlefield of all battle reports.

His cock was protesting.

His balls filed complaints.

His poor little asshole was seeing the saints.

For seven long days he was careful as hell,
Avoiding all sunshine like prison as well.

Now every July when the weather is nice,
He listens to Mistress’s practical advice.

“Put sunscreen on everything.”

Every last speck.

Your shoulders.

Your backside.

Your balls.

And your neck.

Because one foolish afternoon lying around
Can turn your whole package bright lobster-red brown.

So learn from this sub, don’t be such a dumb fuck.

The sun doesn’t care if you’re naked or stuck.

Protect every inch from your nose to your crack,

Or you’ll spend a whole week sleeping flat on your back.